You’d think that with the surprise and horror I welcomed the first snowfall, that maybe I was new to this whole winter scene. Transplant from Florida maybe? Perhaps we just moved from the tropical climes of Southern New Jersey? No. I have lived in Maine my ENTIRE life. I was born here. My people were here a long, long time ago, we are a northern people. I however, am completely unprepared every year and each winter am on the receiving end of a firm smack on the ass from Mother Nature.
Heat – A typical October conversation:
Me: “Crap, it’s going to be freezing tonight.”
Husband: “What? It’s so soon! It was summery yesterday.”
Me: “I know right?”
Husband “Ok, call the oil people”
Me: “It’s Sunday. Do we have any wood left?”
Husband: “I dunno, let me check…” Goes outside to woodshed we pass by every time we walk into the house. “Like two sticks.”
Me: “How much do you like this coffee table?”
Care to travel down Slippery Slope with me? Yes? Awesome.
We recently had a snowstorm that the weather people totally did not predict. It was not snowing when I sent Kid to school, so she was wearing sneakers. By the time I picked her up there were 4 inches of snow on the ground. Not totally my fault, right? My fault: Kid has no winter boots. We run to the local clothing store, and by local I mean only, that has Kid sized boots.
Sales Clerk: “Hi, let’s measure your feet and see what we can do.” Measures Kid’s feet.”Ok, she’s very close to a 1. Somewhere between 13 and 1 so I would go with 1.”
Me: “Wow, that’s bigger than I thought.” Looking around shamefully.
Clerk:”What size are these?” Holds up Kid’s sneakers she has been wearing EVERY DAY with no complaints.
Me: “Um, 11?”
Made it around treacherous corner! Yay!
Kid: “I need new boots, they have to be pink.”
Clerk: “Yes, yes you do!”
Looks over shoe department until she finds the only pair of Kid sized boots in pink. Price, $40.00. Granted, they are super nice. But if someone had gotten her ass in gear and not waited till the last minute, I probably could have saved $20.
My driveway is about 1/8 of a mile up a hill. If you’re my friend on Facebook, you will know that winter is the time of year when my status updates transition from bitching about how hot I am to bitching about how much I hate my driveway. Check it out, I live IN MAINE. We have months and months of snow and sleet and shit. It is probably one of the only states where people legitimately need to have SUVs. Especially people that live on the top of Slippery Slope (that’s what my driveway is named). Do either Husband or I have 4wd? Nope. Why? Because we are idiots. Because we buy our cars in the summer with no care to the world not thinking about the cold dark winter lurking right around the corner.
Almost at the bottom, the end is in sight.
This year, I had the added joy of experiencing the first snow storm without winter tires on my car, why? Because I forgot to get them. IF I put studded tires on my car, I can get up the Slippery Slope about 85% of the time. “But, Kate” you ask, “What about the other 15% of the time?” I’m glad you asked. I walk. Usually after spending at least 20 minutes of peeling out, swearing, backing up and trying again, and of course the “get it rocking and gun it” method of driving up a hill in snow, which usually fails, but kicks up an amazing amount of dirt and ice, and causes a fair bit of smoke from my tires.
At least we have a decent plow/sanding guy this year. I’ve had 6 quit in the 10 years we’ve been here. Most of them just went out of business. Or so they say…..