My Movie (Theater) Review

Last night the hubster and I went to see Inception. It was the first time we’ve been to the movies in about a year, the last one we saw was Star Trek. Usually when we go on “dates” we drop Maggie off at my parent’s house then go eat dinner and go to Target. It’s incredibly romantic. I was SUPER excited to go see Inception what with all the buzz and all. Mike however, had no clue.

Mike: “Is there anything good at the movies right now? If so, let’s go.”
Me: “Um, yeah Inception. Duh.”
Mike “What’s that?”

Here’s the thing about my husband, although he’s a computer programmer he is so totally unplugged he has no idea what’s going on, pretty much ever. He’s on FB but never checks it, same with Twitter. He doesn’t watch or read the news. The only news he gets is the tail end of NPR news that I have on while I’m cooking dinner. I’m not really making fun of him (Ok, I kind of am). It’s a good thing he has me in his life to let him know what’s cool. Shit, I even tell him what cool video games are coming out! See what a good wife I am?

So, we go to the movie theater. I was all freaked out that it would be sold out, or even worse, totally packed and we would have to sit near someone. Oh, did I mention I am prone to panic attacks? Yeah. Especially if it’s somewhere where a panic attack would be really inconvenient or embarrassing. The theater was deadsville. If you need a picture of the economy, I saw it last night. A rainy, Summer, Saturday night, second weekend of a box office smash hit, 7:00 showing, I mean really it was perfect conditions for a shitstorm of overselling and crowding. Nope. We even got there only 5 minutes before curtain. Walked right in to a nearly empty theater, I’d say maybe 20 people. Walked right in and sat in the center row, and I got to have an aisle seat which is key if you might freak out and need to flee.

Let me back up a second here. I don’t get out much. When I go to the movie theater and see the prices and size of the food, I am always shocked. We got a large popcorn and a medium coke – this was also our dinner. We’re health nuts. This is what it looked like:

OK, see that Starbucks cup? That’s in there for perspective. That my friends, is a medium *ahem, sorry* GRANDE, coffee. See that gallon jug of Coke next to it? That’s a Medium Hoytts Cinema soda. Don’t even get me started on the popcorn. Oh and no, we don’t have the extra “butter” squirted on the popcorn,Y’all know that’s just grease right?  Also, how hilarious is it that Coke Zero is plastered all over the massive popcorn? I came up with new names for movie soda/popcorn sizes, I mean if Starbucks does it, why not everyone? The new sizes are: Large, Ridiculous, and Obscene. I mean how awesome would it be to order “An Obscene Coke, and a Ridiculous Popcorn”? Totally awesome is the answer. I encourage you to just start ordering like that at the movies. 
So we go and get our seats, sit down with our ridiculous coke and obscene popcorn, and wait for the movie. Um, when did they start playing commercials and ads for TV shows before the movies? T
his went on for like 20 minutes. Actual TV commercials for Ford, Coke, Nabisco, and then previews for really crappy looking TV shows coming out this fall. To top it all off, after they forced us to watch this then they did a re-cap and were all “Hey, you’re so lucky you got a glimpse of these really shitty TV shows coming out this fall. You’re lucky we didn’t charge you extra for the privilege”   What happened to movie trailers and that awesome movie trivia quiz? Oh, you should know – we don’t have TV so commercials really freak us out. Seriously, give up regular TV for awhile (we are not saints, we use netflix and hulu all the time. We just don’t watch commercial television, because it’s from the devil)  and then go to someone’s house with a TV it’s shockingly weird. 
Finally the movie starts and it was fanfuckingtastic. Definitely worth the $900 for the ticket and food.OK, I might be exaggerating a little bit here, but seriously, it’s expensive. I have a rule about only shelling out to see movies that are really meant to be seen in the theater. Mike argues that all movies are meant to be seen in a theater, and no director says, “This is going to look so cool on someone’s shitty TV.” But, I like to only see stuff with really cool special effects if I’m going to put on decent clothes, venture out into the world, and spend a ton of money. Inception is definitely worth it. After reading a bunch of the reviews I was really scared that it was going to be super confusing with all the dream within a dream within a dream stuff, but it was done in such a way that everything was easy to follow.  You should know, that if I hadn’t seen such great reviews I totally would have skipped this movie, because I hate both Leonardo and Shia. I actually kind of liked them in this film. Anyhow, I also came up with a new tagline for Inception for people like me: “Inception, blows your mind, but not in a headachey way.” I’m not going to do a proper review/summary here. This is already really long and I want to bitch about the seats now, but hey go see it. It was good.
OK, this movie was 2 hrs and 45 minutes long, and was super action packed.  It was one of those movies where you don’t want to get up and pee because you might miss something, but holy hell you just drank an obscene coke! Also, movie theater seats SUCK. My back hurt so, so bad by the end of this movie. I almost dropped and did a downward dog right there in the aisle on the way out to straighten my ass out. Notice I said almost.  Movie theater owner people, please, please bring back intermission. PLEASE. Look, it will give us a chance to stretch and pee, and also give people a chance to buy  more ridiculous popcorn. It doesn’t have to be that long, just give us ten minutes. It’s the least you could do. I know you cheap asses aren’t going to replace the seats. 
Phew. I think that’s it!

Update: I am a fucking idiot. The reason I liked Shia LaBeouf in this movie is because he ISN’T IN IT. The guy I THOUGHT was Shia was actually this guy: 

Joseph Gordon Levitt
This is Shia LaBeouf:
There’s a resemblance, right? I mean they both wear tuxedos…..

1 thought on “My Movie (Theater) Review

  1. Thanks so much for stopping by Sunny Bug! I really love the blue & white flower background. I just spent the evening redesigning my blog…not exactly fun, but I like it 🙂

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