Repost If You’re an Idiot.

Look, I’m on FB all goddamned day long. I just am, it’s terrible. It’s like a car crash, I can’t look away. I don’t know why I bother because most of the time, the shit that is posted makes me want to stab myself in the eye with a fork.  Case in point: viral status messages. I hate them. I have a seriously unreasonable hatred towards them. Since I said I would write this post (to my friends on FB of course) I’ve been trying to figure out why I hate them so much. The best I can do is break it down by component and type of viral status and not by content. Which is very, very hard for me because on their own they are so goddamned stupid it’s hard not to make fun.  Oh, also I should note, these are coming directly from FB so the spelling and punctuation errors are not mine. Let’s begin, shall we?

Exhibit A:

“Let’s be clear on this: OBAMA did NOT kill Bin Laden. An American soldier, who Obama just a few weeks ago was debating on whether or not to PAY, did. Obama just happened to be the one in office when our soldiers finally found OBL and took him out. This is NOT an Obama victory, but an AMERICAN victory!! REPOST IF YOU AGREE!!!

Exhibit A is what I like to call “Grossly misinformed political rant viral status”. This also includes the call for “Boycott gasoline day”. How about this, if you choose to make a political rant on your status (and believe me I do it all the time), why don’t you frame it in the form of a discussion, and heck even include a link to back up your insanity?  By link I do not mean a link to the FB group where you grabbed the stupid status from in the first place, I mean a real honest to goodness link from an information source on the internet that is NOT FB.

Exhibit B:

“My curfew was the street lights, my mom didn’t call my cell, she yelled my name. I played outside with friends, not online. If I didn’t eat what my mom cooked, then I didn’t eat. Sanitizer didn’t exist, but you COULD get your mouth washed out with soap. I rode a bike without a helmet, getting dirty was OK, & neighbors cared as much as your parents did. Re-post if you drank water from a garden hose & survived…”

This is the digital version of your dad/mom/grandpa/grandma/crazy great aunt saying this, “When I went to school we WALKED. I remember when cigarettes cost .25 and you could start smoking when you were 7. Also, we used to throw lawn darts at each other FOR FUN.” Basically it’s one generation calling the new one a bunch of pussies and it’s stupid.

Exhibit C:

“FB friends, in honor of Mother’s Day I’m changing my profile picture to a picture of my mother and will keep it there till May 9. I’m hoping that you will all do the same. If you like this idea, repost this as your status so everyone gets the word and see how many beautiful mothers we can get on FB. Happy Mothers Day Mom!!!! I love you !!!!”

There are a lot of these, I call them the “If you love your family repost posts” There was another one around Mothers’ Day that asked people to post the names and dates of birth of their kids, information which according to my local PD, unsavory people promptly used for identity theft. Awesome! Ok, so how about this, if you your love mom, kid, husband or think your cousins are extra sassy, CALL THEM. Don’t like phones? Send them an email. Want to shout it to the world in a status anyway? OK, why don’t you say something individual and caring about that person. Here’s an example, “When I was little my mom used to put me on the counter and let me help her cook. My love for cooking comes from her, and for that I owe my mom a debt of gratitude. Love you Ma.” See how I did that? Probably the same amount of time it takes to cut and paste.

Exhibit D:

“Kids with Special needs aren’t weird or odd. They only want what everyone wants….to be accepted. Can I make a request? Is anyone willing to post this and leave it on your status for 1 hour? It is Special Education week & Autism Awareness month, and this is in honor of all children made in a Unique Way. You never understand a situation untill you are faced with it.”

Exhibit D might make me the angriest of all status messages. You can pretty much take out “special needs” and swap in Heart Disease, Domestic Violence, Cancer, whatever you want it’ll work. Here’s what you need to know: Changing your status to one of these for one hour does NOTHING. Do you understand? It does NOTHING. If you want to help take a fucking second and do SOMETHING. Here’s a good example, “This month is national Autism awareness month. Please check out: etc etc website or consider sending a small donation to the following: XXX” There you go. That way people can get information from a valid source and, if they choose, have a place where they can donate to a charity you believe in. I have had family members die from cancer, and I tell you what, I don’t think that the best way to remember them is to post a viral status message about them. Sorry.

Now. To the meat of the issue. In addition to the messages themselves being stupid – this “REPOST IF YOU AGREE” is just insanity to me. First off, Thanks! I didn’t know I could do that! Phew. I’m glad you let me know that I can cut and paste things I agree with. Secondly, If you find something interesting or want to tell people something, write it yourself. “But Kate, you are a famous writer! I don’t write so good. What should I do?” Awww, thanks! Honestly though, most of these messages are so stupid and filled with grammatical and spelling errors that anything you write is going to be better than that.  Blindly reposting stuff, for whatever reason is lulling people into thinking that they are doing something. It’s inaction in action. You’re doing nothing but annoying people. If you have a cause, belief, news story etc you want to promote, discuss, whatever then do it. There’s even a little tab right next to where you update your status to paste a link. It’s not hard. I do it all day.

Finally, if you see a viral status that you agree with and you just have to post it, can you at least do your part to make the world a little less sucky and do the following: “My friend Lisa just posted this and I really liked it: Cut and paste here.” Then, for the love of God just delete the Repost if you agree part at the end.

16 thoughts on “Repost If You’re an Idiot.

  1. “Basically it’s one generation calling the new one a bunch of pussies and it’s stupid.”

    The new one is a bunch of pussies, and its correct.

    1. George Carlin puts it best.

      “Something else I’m getting tired of in this country is all this stupid talk
      I have to listen to about children. That’s all you hear about anymore,
      children: “Help the children, save the children, protect the children.” You
      know what I say? Fuck the children!

      They’re getting entirely too much attention. And I know what some of you are
      thinking: ” Jesus, he’s not going to attack children, is he?” Yes he is!
      He’s going to attack children. And remember, this is Mr. Conductor talking;
      I know what I’m talking about.

      And I also know that all you boring single dads and working moms, who think
      you’re such fucking heros, aren’t gonna like this, but somebody’s gotta tell
      you for your own good: your children are overrated and overvalued, and
      you’ve turned them into little cult objects. You have a child fetish, and
      it’s not healthy. And don’t give me all that weak shit, “Well, I love my
      children.” Fuck you! Everybody loves their children; it doesn’t make you
      special. : : : John Wayne Gacy loved his children. Yes, he did. That’s not
      what I’m talking about. What I’m talking about is this constant, mindless
      yammering in the media, this neurotic fixation that suggests that somehow
      everything–everything–has to revolve around the lives of children. It’s
      completely out of balance.

      Listen, there are a couple of things about kids you have to remember. First
      of all, they’re not all cute. In fact, if you look at ’em real close, most
      of them are rather unpleasant looking. And a lot of them don’t smell too
      good either. The little ones in particular seem to have a kind of urine and
      sour-milk combination that I don’t care for at all. Stay with me on this
      folks, the sooner you face it the better off your going to be.

      Second, premise: not all chidren are smart and clever. Got that? Kids are
      like any other group of people: a few winners, a whole lot of losers! This
      country is filled with loser kids who simply…aren’t…going anywhere! And
      there’s nothing you can do about it, folks. Nothing! You can’t save them
      all. You can’t do it. You gotta let ’em go; you gotta cut ’em loose; you
      gotta stop over-protecting them, because your making ’em too soft.

      Today’s kids are way too soft. : : : For one thing, there’s too much
      emphasis on safety and safety equipment: childproof medicine bottles,
      fireproof pajamas, child restraints, car seats. And helmets! Bicycle,
      baseball, skateboard, scooter helmets. Kids have to wear helmets now for
      everything but jerking off. Grown-ups have taken all the fun out of being a
      kid. : : : What’s happened is, these baby boomers, these soft, fruity baby
      boomers, have raised an entire generation of soft, fruity kids who aren’t
      even allowed hazardous toys, for Chrissakes! What ever happened to natural
      selection? Survival of the fittest? The kid who swallows too many marbles
      doesn’t grow up to have kids of his own. Simple stuff. Nature knows best!

      Another bunch of ignorant bullshit about your children: school uniforms. Bad
      theory! The idea that if kids wear uniforms to school, it helps keep order.
      Hey! Don’t these schools do enough damage makin’ all these children think
      alike? Now they’re gonna get ’em to look alike, too? : : : And it’s not even
      a new idea; I first saw it in old newsreels from the 1930s, but it was hard
      to understand, because the narration was in German! But the uniforms looked
      beautiful. And the children did everything they were told and never
      questioned authority. Gee, I wonder why someone would want to put our
      children in uniforms. Can’t imagine.

      And one more item about children: this superstitous nonsense of blaming
      tobacco companies for kids who smoke. Listem! Kids don’t smoke because a
      camel in sunglasses tells them to. They smoke for the same reasons adults
      do, because it’s an enjoyable activity that relieves anxiety and depression.

      And you’d be anxious and depressed too if you had to put up with these
      pathetic, insecure, yuppie parents who enroll you in college before you’ve
      figured out which side of the playpen smells the worst and then fill you
      with Ritalin to get you in a mood they approve of, and drag you all over
      town in search of empty, meaningless structure: Little League, Cub Scouts,
      swimming, soccer, karate, piano, bagpipes, watercolors, witchcraft, glass
      blowing, and dildo practice. It’s absurd. : : : They even have “play dates”,
      for Christ sake! Playing is now done by appointment! But it’s true. A lot of
      these striving, and parents are burning their kids out on structure. I think
      what every child needs and ought to have every day is two hours of
      daydreaming. Plain old daydreaming.

      Turn off the internet, the CD-ROMS, and the computer games and let them
      stare at a tree for a couple of hours. Every now and then they actually come
      up with one of their own ideas. You want to know how to help your kids?
      Leave them the fuck alone.”

  2. I find it incredibly, incredibly ironic that you simply cut and pasted a piece by George Carlin in response to this post. Kudos.

    1. Ahh but note, he prefixed it with, “George Carlin puts it best.” and didn’t add “Repost if you agree”

  3. Yeah, I’ll have to add that I also find it to be an ironic FAIL that Anonymous just cut and pasted that shit in response.
    Sorry, but kids today may have all this extra special attention but the world is getting worse and there are many many opportunities and jobs that young people today will be missing out on in this dismal economy. I really don’t think that kids today somehow have it better…they have different challenges in a rapidly changing and increasingly violent world.
    And I think the older generation is a bunch of pussies with their clean air and environment and all.

  4. Actual, changing one’s status for one hour does accomplish one thing – it is like a little tag that tells me who I need to unfriend.

    1. Actually, I also can’t spell actually, apparently. Isn’t it great that I added a second comment just to justify my poor grammar in the first?

  5. We kids might be pussies these days but we are the products of your generation, anon. You played us music in the womb. You invented diapers that kept our little bottoms drier. You censored, padded, tethered, coddled and sanitized our childhoods. You told us we were special, exceptional, and destined for greatness without allowing us to experience the things that make a person great. You have no one to blame but yourself if you feel surrounded by mediocre youth.

  6. It was always my belief that it is the job of the older generations to try to improve things like: technology, industry, arts, etc or at least build upon what is already there to move us forward as a society, and maybe even improve lives as a whole.

    I’m sure my great grandparents were total dicks about things like I dunno, having a refrigerator that didn’t require a giant block of ice shoved into the back of it a couple of times a week, indoor plumbing and those crazy horseless carriages. I can say this with quite a bit of certainty because I come from a long line of dicks. Does this mean that my grandparents weren’t awesome or tough simply because they wanted to pee inside and not have to get the creepy ice-man to come to their house a few times a week? (OK, I don’t know if he was creepy, but he was the Iceman. I mean come on.) Does it make me a pussy because instead of having to knit bait bags for lobster traps I can have a fulfilling career right here in my own home on this new fangled internet?

    Finally, it is extremely ironic that you posted the George Carlin thing not just because it was a “Repost’ but also because: 1. The very end of that rant talks about “coming up with some of your own ideas”. Which you didn’t. 2. Clearly you too are the fan of the new fangled interwebs since you got here and read this blog.

    I can see a new blog is going to need to be written about how you goddamned whippersnappers need to get off my lawn.

  7. Whoa there, Anonymous. You kinda missed the main point of this blog post. I don’t care if you think the current generation is a bunch of pussies. But don’t put it as a dumb viral status on FB. Because that’s just stupid. Have an original thought, please.

  8. Kate, I couldn’t agree more with your hatred of the schmaltzy content in FB ‘REPOST IF YOU AGREE’ statuses. To salute this, I intend to REPOST this blog to my FB and Twitter accounts!

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