How to Save the World By Not Being an Asshole Part 2

Remember my plan to save the world by teaching people to not be assholes? Well even though SOME people (assholes) told me it’s a dumb plan and the only way to change the world is by massive change and gas taxes blah blah blah (I do agree with these assholes – and totally still love them anyway, despite their attempt to crush my dreams) I am sticking to my plan and still wholeheartedly believe that small changes by individual people equals big change in the world. Let’s all hug for a minute.

Ok, so this not being an asshole plan is focusing on reducing the amount of oil/gas you consume. I might expand these important lessons later but with the giant oil spill and all (did you forget about that? Yeah it’s STILL leaking.) I’m sticking with the less gas thing. Without further adieu – today’s lesson:

You heard me. Knock it off. You don’t need all that shit. Look at this little nugget I just found: there is 7.0 sq.ft. of self storage space for every man, woman and child in America.  The stat is from here. (Gotta name my sources so you all don’t accuse me of making shit up!) First of all, this horrifies me on many levels. That is a lot of shit we have you guys. Apparently WAYYYY too much shit. So much shit, we don’t have room for it at our houses. Secondly, I would like to point out that this figure came from The Self Storage Association, and they think it’s awesome. Well, of course they do, that’s a lot of business for them. I, however, would not be bragging about this, because it’s creepy.

Buying less shit is super easy. You just don’t buy shit. See, easy!   But how does this effect not using oil?

  • Do you ever think of where all your shit comes from? It has to come here on boats and planes and then on trucks. That uses A LOT of oil/gas. Horrifying amounts, really. If you buy less shit, less shit will be made, and less transportation will be needed.
  • Shit is made of plastic. Plastic is made from oil. Please tell me you know this. I hear you out there, “Hey beotch, I like to buy new shit and you know what? I don’t like Plastic Shit, so take that!” Oh really? Does your shit come in a package? A plastic one maybe? Was your shit shipped to you?  Haven’t you ever seen those giant pallets they use for shipping? They stack all the boxes up and then wind them all up with this crazy saran wrap type shit.
  • But, I recycle my shit! Well, that’s good. I encourage that behavior. However,  recycling takes energy. plants need power, and guess what- big trucks take your shit to the recycling center where they melt it or chop it up or whatever the hell they do over there, and then more big trucks take it to be made into more shit. Best thing to do – don’t buy shit.

Ok, so what if you do want to buy some shit? I get that, I like to buy shit too.

  • Go buy some used shit! Go to the thrift store. No, no. It’s not smelly. And dude, stuff is cheap. Sometimes, a lot of times actually, you can find clothes and shit with the tags still on them. That’s right, people buy shit, never use it, and then donate it. Awesome, right? Oh, you over there – you like fancy shit? Just go on Ebay! There’s tons of used, fancy shit on there. It will still have to be shipped to you, but you can’t win ’em all.
  • Try to buy shit in bulk. What kind of shit? Anything really. One giant box of toilet paper has way less packaging than a bunch of little rolls, also it saves you on trips to the store (plus we all know the worst time to run out of shit is when you’re shitting.). You know what else you can do? A lot of places including Whole Foods (and maybe Trader Joe’s I don’t know I’ve never been to one.) and definitely food co-ops allow you to bring in your own containers and fill them with bulk goods. Spices, peanut butter, pasta, laundry detergent – lots of stuff.  If you stop buying shit that comes in containers, just think about how much less shit that is in the world! Trust me, it’s a lot.
  • Finally – Make your own shit. I make my own laundry detergent. I really do. It takes me about 10 minutes and a five gallon bucket of it costs about $2.00. I’ll teach you guys how in another blog post. In fact, I might just teach you how to make all kinds of shit. We’ll see. I get bored easily.

Don’t feel bad if you want some new shit. Hell, I went and bought an awesome new dress yesterday from here :Mexicali Blues . You guys, I’m working on this too. Like I said before, I’m an asshole too. I’m just trying to be LESS of an asshole. It’s a life long process really. The point is to not stop buying shit entirely, but just cut down on it as much as you can. Seriously you guys 7sqft of storage space for all of us. That’s fucking gross.

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