Category Archives: Don’t be an asshole.

In defense

I work at home. I am a writer. I write things. I write articles for news and entertainment and I also write commercial posts for various websites. I feel the need to explain this because there seems to be a misconception about what I do all day. I write. I guess if I was sitting at a desk in a building owned by someone else, instead of my house it would be easier for people to grasp. Please think about that when you ask me what I do all day, or if my house is really clean. Is your house really clean? I mean you aren’t there all day, so there isn’t anyone around to make dishes or mess it up. No?

Yes, working at home has a lot of perks, I get to make my own schedule. This also means that I end up working at night and on weekends a lot. I don’t have to drive anywhere, there are lots of snacks. I can listen to whatever I want to as loudly as I want to. I can take a break and go for a walk. These are all true. I am also really lonely. It’s just me and the dogs here. This is why I love the IM, and the FB, and the Twitters. You are my co-workers. It would be nice if you would add up all the time you spend shooting the shit with your fellow office mates before you make a shitty comment about how I’m on there all day, because it’s actually far less time than you spend at the water cooler. I just have a visual record of my time wasting.

Because I publish things online, and know how to use Mailchimp to send newsletters, and know how to post things to WP, does not mean I am a web designer. It does not mean that I know how, or that I want to make you a website. It does not mean that I know how to write code. It means that I am a writer, who has grasped some pretty basic software in order to get things published online in the hopes of making some money. To me, that’s like saying to someone, “Oh, I see you are taking pictures with your iPhone. Would you like to photograph my wedding?” See how that’s crazy? Yes, I’ll write your newsletter. No, I will not “do” your website.

Also, no. I don’t want to work for you for free. Would you ask your friend the plumber to come around and fix your toilet for free, you know to add to her client list to boost her credibility? Oh, that would be rude? Huh.

I am a total brat for complaining about my sweet deal. I am truly lucky and grateful for the opportunities I have. I have just grown weary and tired of feeling defensive all the time. I wouldn’t trade places with anyone, and it’s a small price to pay for my charmed existence. But still, it’s annoying.

Please, Just Reject Me.

It may come as a surprise to you, but I am not a famous writer. I am barely even a not-really published writer. I write shit constantly, I submit shit constantly. I answer ads for people looking for writers constantly. I mean constantly, like every day. And I’ll tell you what, what I hear back most often is…..nothing. Radio silence.

Remember this guy? The scary wolf/Nothing from the Never Ending Story? Yeah, he sucks, right? It's like that.

You’d think I’d be hardened to rejection, which I sort of am, but no response is not rejection. It’s juts nothing, and nothing is starting to make me go in-fucking-sane. Why? Why is nothing worse than actual rejection? Well, it’s very schizophrenic, let me see if I can explain it. 1. If you don’t respond, if you say NOTHING to me, it keeps alive this little coal of hope that maybe, just maybe there is a tiny flickering chance in Hell I have a chance with your company. That little coal is back there, in my brain, pulsating this message: “maybemaybemaybewhatifwhatifwhatif” all the time. 2. It kills my soul to get no response. What you are telling me is not just, “No thanks, you suck.” but, “You suck so much, you aren’t even worth my time to send you an email to tell you you suck.” So, simultaneously I have a little burning ember of hope while also believing that I am a total suckass loser. See how that makes me go insane?

Rejection allows me to let go, move on, jauntily even, “Oh, I’m not qualified? Cest la vie!” Sometimes when I get rejection letters, companies even THANK me for being interested in their company (I love you Groupon, thanks for validating my existence. Yes, I applied to write stuff for Groupon. It would have been awesome.) But rejections are few and far between, I’d say probably one in one hundred.

So, please, when you get my submission or resume or anyone else’s for that matter, take five minutes to send out an e-mail to tell us someone else is better.  Or better yet, just publish my shit.

Getting All Biblical on Your Asses.

I am not a religious person. Heck, I wouldn’t even say I’m very spiritual. I guess my views are more like “Something’s out there, I don’t know what it is.” school of thought. In fact, I’d describe what I believe in as “The Force.” yes, THE FORCE, like “Use the Force, Luke!” Why am I telling you all this? Well, because I do believe very strongly in the Golden Rule. You know it right? Ugh, if you don’t we’re worse off than I thought. It’s this: “Do Unto Others as You Would Have Them Do Unto You.” It’s in the Bible, but check it out. I Googled the Golden Rule (It’s also known as the Ethic of Reciprocity, which I also quite like.)  for this blog, and apparently there are versions of this rule in at least 14 other religions. I also really like the Wiccan version “An it harm none do what ye will.”

Many religions use this rule to talk about why you shouldn’t kill other people, which I agree with totally! Not killing people is an important thing. But, here’s the thing: I think you should apply it to everything. Not just how you treat other human beings, but how you treat the world in general. Most of the time, this rule is pretty easy to follow. It’s a lot of not doing things. For example, I would NOT like to get punched in the face. So, I don’t punch people in the face. In fact I’m practicing this rule right now! Look at me! Not Punching! Practicing What I Preach! (Here’s the thing though. There are people out there who actually like getting punched in the face. I’ve read Fight Club! I know these things.  I guess the thing to do in that situation is to only punch other people who want to be punched. Become a boxer or something.) Another example, I would NOT like to live in a world where litter is everywhere. So, I don’t litter. I believe that hurting the Earth does in fact hurt other people.

Now, it’s easy to live by a rule that involves lots of passive action. Not punching, not littering etc. Sometimes though, in order to live by a code you have to act. That’s the hard part. Sometimes you have to tell people terrible things, because you would want them to do the same. Sometimes you have to clean up someone else’s mess even if it’s really yucky, because you want the world to be clean. There are a million examples, and many aren’t cool at all. It can  be fun too though,  it’s not just about shitty things. If you want people to be nice to you, be nice to them, is a great example, if it’s raining and you notice your co-workers car window is down, roll it up! (Unless that’s going to set off an alarm. That would suck.). I also really like feeding people’s parking meters, but apparently that can get you arrested, so be careful with that one.

My point? It’s good to have a code to live by, even if you aren’t a religious person. It acts as a good compass in deciding action, or inaction. If we all lived by a version of the Golden Rule, I can’t even imagine how awesome the world would be. So, the next time you’re having a hard time making a decision just take one second and say “How would I like it if this was being done to me?”

Finally, I also think that the Golden Rule definitely falls into the category of “Don’t Be an Asshole.” So, this post is still helping me fulfill my new life’s goal of teaching the world to act less assholey!

That’s all for today. Peace Out, Girl Scouts.